Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Increased Velocity, Decreased Control

I've been local for over one month now. I think this is the longest stretch in over a year. Two weeks until I'm on the road again. I am totally looking forward to it. As of late, it seems like I am just along for the ride on this wild roller coaster. I try to live in the moment, but plan for the future. I try to push myself to try new things, to live outside of my comfort level (but that doesn't mean I'll be flying coach, mind you). A couple people at the office have made comments to me about this -- sans prompting. I remember my senior year of college and how excited I was to be starting a new chapter in my life and how sad I was to be leaving the super comfortable Linfield Bubble. Knowing that those precious days at Linfield were coming to an end -- I would never again get a summer off; I would never again have an organization like ASLC (for a multitude of reasons -- think Enron, WorldComm, and Arthur Anderson); I might never see the people that meant so much to me those four years.

Everyday brings change for us all. We meet new friends; we lose old friends. Even through the years (Jesus, it has been nearly 7 years since I left Linfield), I try to remember the feelings I had those last few months on campus. I think I do a pretty good job of living in the moment -- except lately. I feel like I have been pulled in fifty different directions and when I don't know where to turn, I find projects at work to keep me occupied. I have been busy lately, but it doesn't seem like I have really done anything. Several of my projects have just been piling up.

One of the big things that I have been preoccupado with is coming to fruition tomorrow. I will be giving my first real presentation since I have been at SPC. There will be approximately 100 people from the Chicago and East Divisions. I will be talking about Risk Management Administration -- basically what we can do, administratively, to reduce costs, losses and drains on company assets. Our group has from 1pm until 3pm to present. There are three people presenting. My part will last approximately 19 minutes. Yes, I've timed myself multiple times. I don't know if I am nervous or not...again, I think I'm dead inside, so I don't know what I feel. I've practiced my "speech" probably 15 times over the past 3 days. I seem to do a decent job in my apartment. I like to pace while talking -- not a good thing for this. I haven't quite mastered the ability to talk and advance the PowerPoint presentation at the appropriate times. On the plus side, this presentation will be given again in Los Angeles and again in Miami in the coming few weeks. Hopefully by the time Miami hits, I won't be a stuttering boob. I have no delusions that a good presentation will get me ahead in my company -- that won't happen. I think I've probably reached my terminal level at SPC -- although my intellectual growth opportunities are far from over -- I don't think there are any future positions available for me at the firm. Which is fine. I like my gig and I like my team but there is always something else out there, right?

Once this is over, I hope I can return to my normal neurotic list making life, with semi-frequent travel and fun times. I'd like to take a class this spring (not a regular insurance class that I've taken ad nauseum as of late, a real class. Maybe digital photography, or a writing class. I've always wanted to write about travel. Maybe articles, maybe novels, not really guidebooks, but something! I think I can be funny at times -- and modest too. I do think I should start writing more about what is going on in my life -- so when I am 50 years old and on my death bed (remember, my family dies relatively young) someone can read me my life again and I can say "Yeah, that was fun, I had a good time."

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