I bought a condo. I decided to get a new bed. The bed I have now, I bought when I first moved to Chicago. It is a cheap full size firm mattress. This was great when I was younger. Now that I'm an old man, I need a bit more comfort. I didn't want to spend a ton of money 1) because I don't have it 2) I have a lot of things I want to buy for the new place. I did quite a bit of price comparison online and tried out dozens of mattresses at various stores (Bloomingdale's, Macy's, BedMart, Back to Bed, Bedapalooza, Bedapolis, blah blah blah). I decided to stop by Sears. I bought my last mattress from there and it served me well, why not I thought.
I go in and try out a few mattresses. I find one that I really like. It was more than I wanted to spend $2,200. I know that's not outrageous for a Queen Size Mattress Set, but I didn't allocate this much money on my new home budget. So I tell the guy I'll be back later. Of course, he pressures me to open a Sears card account -- so next time I am back in there to by my full set of Craftsman Tools I guess I'll get another discount.
This salesman was a little...uh...slow. Not Corky Thatcher slow, but "that boy ain't right". He realizes that there are about 3 dozen signs in an envelope that should be on display -- 50%-75% off signs. The bed I wanted was 55% off. What a deal. So I decide to make this purchase -- very excited to get a new bed and maybe, just maybe, sleep through the night just once. I set up the delivery time to be two weeks from the date of purchase (as I intended to be in Orlando the next week).
The delivery was scheduled for yesterday. Of course, this being a customer service oriented company, they call you after 8pm the day before delivery to tell you when they will be by. Remember, I live in a high rise -- 15 stories above the ground. We have 280 units and it is the end of the month -- the freight elevator is booked. I find there is time available after 4pm. I call the lovely people and ask for a later delivery.
Now, I am all for outsourcing -- hell, I just helped outsource a couple people on my team at work. What I cannot stand is when these highly trained customer service people can only read from the script and not think for themselves -- "I hear you Mr. Nickerson and am actively trying to meet your Sears Home Delivery needs." What does that mean?
She says that a delivery time after 4pm is fine -- if something comes up and they cannot deliver it after 4pm I will be called within a few minutes -- if I do not hear from them, everything is fine. That should have been my first indication that this would not work out. I go off to Target for some new home staples -- shower curtains, shower rings, additional towels (three bathrooms is a lot to furnish -- just think of all the shit you need for one!). Around 6:45 I realize I should have heard something about the bed being delivered....nothing. I call them.
Evidently they decided not to deliver the bed. No phone call, nothing. The woman I was speaking with never deviated from the script -- "I am sorry Mr. Nickerson, but we will reschedule the delivery of the mattress for a time that is very inconvenient for you" -- ok, I took some poetic license with that... I ask what I am supposed to do -- she says the only thing I can do is to wait until they deliver. I ask to speak with a supervisor -- SURPRISE -- disconnected. I call back. Of course for them to even talk to you you, you have to give them your Phone Number, Name, Full Mailing Address (including Suite # and 9 digit zip), the exact name of the item(s) you ordered (Mattress Set-- doesn't fly. You have to say "3 Piece Queen Mattress set: Mattress, Foundation and Frame"). I wait for 35 minutes on hold -- FUMING. I call from another phone in the house and just lay into the guy who answers. After 12 minutes on hold, I get a supervisor -- my first call (now nearly 50 minutes on hold) is still unanswered.
So this supervisor continues with the "I'm sorry Mr. Nickerson" routine -- which I've had just about enough of. The delivery is rescheduled for Monday. What I am to do in the mean time? Sleep on the floor. Mother fucker. I tell the dick on the phone that I don't have the freight elevator on Monday -- the delivery guys will have to carry the mattress up 15 flights of stairs. The supervisor says that will not be a problem, they will do that. Sure they will. Any bet, they will use the passenger elevator, resulting in me getting a fine? or if they do carry it up the stairs, they will ding the hell out of the mattress and I'll have to get another one?
So I go to Sears.com and write a complaint letter -- what else would I do? I get a response just a few minutes later saying "I'm sorry, but if you didn't order this on Sears.com you can't complain via this medium. You have to go to the store and complain to the sales clerk who rung you up". Bull shit. Granted, he's no Corky Thatcher, but he'll just stare at me. FIX THIS PROBLEM.
Next I go to my complaint letter file on my portable hard drive -- yes I do keep all the complaint and congrats letters I send in archive. What do I find -- a letter to Sears dated July 2001. The delivery folks fucked up that bed delivery too. Ok -- so I guess I should have checked my records and realized that Sears is full of a bunch of fuck ups who can't deliver mattresses without making my blood pressure spike.
So, here's to you Sears -- You can suck my left nut. I hope you're market share continues its negative turn and you will follow the other store who specialize in shitty service into the deep dark caverns of corporate bankruptcy. I feel for your employees, losing their jobs in this economy, but if just a few more of them acted like Corky Thatcher and provided mildly acceptable customer service, you wouldn't be in this mess. Here is to your demise, Sears, may it be long and painful...but only after I sleep a few nights on my new mattress -- if it is no good, I'm going to drag it back down to State Street and shove it up your ass.
Good night and good luck.